What helps me is knowing that by letting them do it their way, they are get a lot more satisfaction from owning the process rather than just doing what I tell them to do, and they are learning new skills that will help me do my job better with less work for me.

What I got to understand is that, just as I’d be a little hurt to discover that a friend had been in trouble and hadn’t reached out to me, so they would be hurt if I were in trouble and didn’t reach out to them. Thought of that way, asking for help can be a gift.

I somehow feel we had the same teacher :>) When Priyatama and I have a difficult problem to deal with, we also physically sit side-by-side to “face” the problem - and it usually really helps. Thanks for reminding me about it.

Hi Christina,

Thanks for the book references. I hope you can let me know about the second one you mention. You have made me think that it might be nice to have a reading list on our website.

Another author (can’t find the book on my shelves) also writes about males ‘retreating into the cave’ and also feeling on the end of elastic which pulls him back into himself. In a relationship this can be misunderstood by a woman as the man being ‘cross’ but in fact he is just ‘regrouping’ or getting back in touch with his reality.
Interesting stuff

I love your analogy of a fish not knowing it is wet. I had not heard it before. I will look at the book you mention, and I think you might find Men Mars/Women venus interesting and maybe a bit fun to read.

Thanks for commenting on the “gift” concept. I think most of us don’t realize what a “gift” we give just by accepting what someone lovingly offers to us.

By the way, back in my other life in the “corporate world”, I wish I had you as a resource to me. I love what you offer to others. http://www.svahaconcepts.com/

Secondly, I do think men and women communicate differently in many situations. I will admit I’ve not read *Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus.* However, I’ve done a lot of study in the linguistics of how men and women talk, how they generally behave and react in different situations, and so forth. (A fabulous book is *Women Don’t Ask* by Sara Laschever and Linda Babcock. Eye-opening.) I think gender differences are very, very subtle and so deeply ingrained in society that we literally don’t see them - just like the fish doesn’t know it’s wet, we don’t see the gender differences until something comes along to point them out. For instance, regardless of what you think of the politics involved, just look at what the press is doing to Hillary Clinton here in the U.S.

Finally, kudos to you, Bob, for pointing out what a gift it can be to *receive*. It’s a gift you can give yourself *and* a gift you give to the person giving to you. There’s a vulnerability involved, which to my mind makes it paradoxically a strength to be able to receive.

Thanks for a great post!

Grace

I thank you for your comment, and hope that you will continue to read what is posted here and comment when you feel moved to do so.

Namaste. - Bob